Love Changes Everything

After opening my mother’s day card from my son, I was impacted by the things that impacted him.

Little reminders of how much he loves me and why he loves me. Reminders of places we’ve been and times we have shared.

Not to be proud, but it was a great reminder that I am a good mom! Often I am so hard on myself for I make many mistakes, however this card was a little reminder as if my son said, “Mom, don’t worry, you’re a great mom and here’s why.”

Just as I shouldn’t be so hard on me, I shouldn’t be so hard on him. Through it all, I know he really is a great kid with a good heart.
People may not always see it, even I often don’t, but he is loving, kind, gentle, thoughtful, courageous, bold, very smart, observant and loves Jesus amongst a few of his great qualities.

By far, one of the best qualities I love about him is his relationship with the Holy Spirit. When someone wrongs me my son always says, “Mom, now don’t get mad at them when you see them” or “Mom make sure your nice to them.” He always reminds me that ‘Love Changes Everything.’

I love his heart and know God will use him in great and mighty ways to impact the world by loving people.

M.O.A.W.

Unconditional Acceptance

The foundation of relationships should be, “Unconditional Acceptance.”

My son often hurts me physically and emotionally, however regardless of that, I accept him unconditionally the way he is.

Yes those things he does/says are hurtful to the core, however because I accept him for being him it is easier to forgive and love him.

Does it make what he does/says right? No, of course not. Does it mean that I should tolerate this behavior? No, of course not.
But my love for him is not based on his behaviors or words, it is based on unconditional acceptance of allowing him to be him and understanding that the more I don’t try to control him, the more I allow him to be him, and the more he will feel accepted, unconditionally. I love that I can still accept him for being him, no matter how he treats me. My love does not waver because he hurts me, and does not grow because he painted me a picture… His actions do not depict my love for him, my choice to accept him “with no strings attached” does.

By no means have I perfected this, but it is something I am learning and working towards daily. I’ve realized a long time ago that I cannot change others, only myself; in that process, it seems that when we change ourselves others around us others tend to change too.

A solid foundation of unconditional acceptance is key to “building something that lasts.”

M.O.A.W.

Heart to Heart Time

As I was contemplating what to write about today, I decided to open one of my devotional pages and there was the following scripture:

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16 (NIV)”

I was immediately reminded of a time around a year ago when I was having many struggles with my son and I sought out advice from my pastor’s wife. She shared with me a fun idea to connect with my son. We decided to call it “Heart to Heart Time.”

My son and I would make a treat before bed time and he and I would snuggle up in bed and say “Heart to Heart Time,” while I put my hand in the shape of a half heart and he put his opposite hand in the shape of another half heart, and we joined them together. We would share about the things in our heart. I would start by answering “what was the best part of my day,” and then he would answer the question. We had several questions that would help us deal with heart matters such as:

-What was the best part of my day?
-What was the worst part of my day?

Usually with in those two questions we would share about how we may have hurt one another or how something we did made the other person happy. At the end of it all, we would each apologize and ask forgiveness of the other person.

This process really seemed to be an avenue to release pain and move on so as to not let heart issues build up. After it would be bed time and usually I would stay up and pray over my son.

When things started getting good and I noticed behavior changes, we slacked off in this area, till it was no longer happening. God really has impressed upon my heart that, we need to get back into this routine and maintain it, especially when things start getting better.

I believe this heart connection will be a key that will allow my son to feel comfortable enough to share with me about the tough stuff when he is older. Many kids don’t feel comfortable in sharing things with their parents because of bad heart connections.

I am grateful for the people in my life who are bold enough to tell me the truth in love when they see areas that could hinder my life or relationships. Lord I thank you for giving them all a double portion of blessing for serving in my life.

M.O.A.W.

A Battle Worth Fighting

Laundry was folded and ready to be put away, and guess whose chore that was, my little warriors of course.

He decided he didn’t want to do his chore last night so he asked for a different one. (Usually in the past when he wouldn’t do his chore I would do his and he would get mine, which was usually a chore far worse/harder than his and he would regret not doing his own.) This was a little different because there really was nothing else to be done, so I simply replied, “Sorry, but that’s the last chore left so you can’t switch with mine because there are no other chores to do.

Well he didn’t want to do the laundry so he decided to dump the entire bin of folded clothes on the floor, and he made sure nothing was left folded.

“And I’m NOT Cleaning that up!” he stated as he continued to throw random objects at the pile of clothes scattered about. The throwing stopped when he grabbed a candle in a glass jar and shattered that to pieces.

I surprisingly kept cool even at that outburst however inside I was really upset. I shook the glass off all the clothes and put them in a pile on the side along with the other things he threw, and I removed all the glass from the carpet and took it out side to shake off. I came back in and began to eat the muffin that we were going to share. (The deal was he would get some if he displayed good behavior that evening, which he did until this stunt.)

“I want some!” were the next words out of his mouth.

“Sure, no problem, you can have some as soon as that carpet gets vacuumed and the clothes are folded. Here I’ll save you some.”

“I WANT THE MUFFIN!” he commanded.

“Okay, I’ll be happy to give you some as soon as that floor gets cleaned up.”

He clearly was not going to start cleaning so I began to read my bible on the couch and he was irritated. He began kicking me and hitting me, which initially I tried to ignore but, he needed to know this was not acceptable. I grabbed his hands and crossed them like he would be hugging himself, so he could not hit me. I also had to sit behind him on the floor with my legs crossed over his so he could not kick me. The squirming and wiggling and body thrusting was taking place meanwhile the dramatic cries of how he couldn’t breath, and I was ‘hurting’ him were happening. After a while of crying and exerting some energy, he promised to stop hurting me so I let him go. To my surprise he actually did stop.

I went to my room and began to cry and pray for my son, and this situation. I opened my bible and flipped through trying to take my eyes off this situation and seek wisdom in focusing on Jesus.

He led me almost immediately to the parable in Mark 9 ‘Jesus Heals a Boy Possessed by an Impure Spirit.’ Although the parable is titled this, it is an analogy for a generation with a lack of faith, because the people do not believe that they could drive the impure spirit out and even ask Jesus IF He could do anything. Jesus replies to them “Everything is possible for one who believes.” (I did and do believe Jesus could help me then just as He has many times.) In the story, He rebukes the impure spirit and commanded it to never enter the boy again. Later the disciples ask why they couldn’t drive it out and Jesus replies with, “This kind can come out only by prayer.”

That was the answer I needed! Prayer!

I fell asleep shortly after and I guess my son came to bed at some point in the night. Yes he was tired the next morning however through a little humor we kept things positive.  Prayer really works and what a difference it made! My son was told that he would not be able to go to his dad’s tonight until all the clothes were picked up and the other items that he threw. To my surprise, most of it got cleaned up, until we ran out of time, and had to go to work/school. For his compliance, I told him he would be able to go but as soon as he got back, the little bit he had left would have to be put away. (Once upon a time, I would not have stuck to my guns and ended up cleaning for him, but I’ve learned that this does not teach him anything, only that my word means nothing. Even though he struggled to put the clothes away, I know he will reconsider the next time he gets angry and wants to dump the clothes; even better is that he will have learned that he is responsible for his own actions and there are consequences for them. This made the struggle worthwhile and I feel good on my journey to becoming a powerful parent!)

(One year ago when I saw this similar behavior in my son, I felt God telling me through other people that I really needed to start praying over my son at night and any chance I could. I started this journey and soon saw changes in my son. I guess I got lazy or thought that because the changes happened I no longer needed to pray. Well three weeks or so ago, this behavior has resurfaced and has been quite a battle.

I have started and intend to maintain a strong prayer life through interceding for my son, and declaring who he is in Christ, calling forth his destiny. I will not cease just because I see results this time.

“Father, I thank you for my mighty warrior son who is so smart, brave, courageous, gentle and kind. I thank You that he is a mighty worshiper who will follow You all the days of his life. Thank You for the great calling on his life to lead his generation, hearts and souls to the kingdom and glory of God. Lord I thank You that You protect him everywhere he goes and for the angels that never leave his side as a hedge of protection around him. Thank You that he will choose to serve You all the days of his life and that You give him the wisdom and discernment to make wise choices, and see life as if looking through Your eyes. I entrust his life to You and choose to let go of control and die to my own plans daily so that he and I may lead a life that emulates You daily. Thank You that favor and blessings surrounds my son and will pour out into future relationships. Lord help me to find new and creative ways to teach my son to hone his energy and will into leadership qualities that will be used for serving You. Please help me to never grow weary in praying for my son and in parenting him. I thank you that you entrusted his life to me, I love him and I bless him, in Jesus Name, Amen.”

M.O.A.W.

Everything They Want, Nothing They Need

“Kids get the most out of what they accomplish for themselves. Children will get more out of making their own decisions – even if it is wrong – than they will out of parents making that decision for them. Sometimes that means standing by as our kids struggle to complete a task we could easily help them with or do for them.

It is normal for parents to want their children to have nice things and not have to struggle as much as the parents did growing up. However, that does not mean that because parents have the money (or, unfortunately the credit limit) to buy their children whatever they want, they should buy it for them, nor does it mean that if they have the clout to get their kids out of a tough spot, they should do so. If we never let our kids struggle to get something they want or work through a problem for themselves, then when things get difficult later in life, they won’t suddenly turn tough and get going; instead, they’ll just quit. Ultimately, believing in themselves as capable human beings comes from accomplishing difficult things, not having those things done for them or being repeatedly told they are great kids.”

-“Parenting with Love & Logic” by Foster W. Cline & Jim Fay

Called To Love

How often I have been disappointed by my own expectations.

Is it really fair to expect others to treat us the way we want to be treated?
Very debatable I would say.

You see, just because you have learned a truth, a lesson, a way of life, does that mean everyone has learned those same things?
Why then do we take a situation and apply our state of being to someone else, expecting them to “know” what’s going on in our lives?

Let me give you an example to better explain myself.

Have you ever been in a rush to go somewhere? Job interview? Pick up kids? Hospital? And all of a sudden a car cuts you off! “Get out of my way!” you may shout or whisper under your breath.

Your state is you’re “In a rush, got to hurry, can’t be late.”

So you drive by to pass them or even move in front of them, (maybe give them a look) and speed off.

We assume because we are in our situation that they should “know.” Well maybe we don’t assume that but our attitude towards them may sure show it.

Now, imagine after your “big emergency” you run into that person at a coffee shop and they are in line in front of you. You hope they don’t turn around and see you because really, your embarrassed the way you behaved earlier because your “big emergency” wasn’t so big after all. They do turn around, and say hi, not really noticing that you were that “inconsiderate-jerk-that-was-in-such-a-rush” and they strike up a conversation with you. They pour out their heart and start telling you, (because they just need someone to talk to) about how their loved one just passed away or how they lost their job yesterday and how they are feeling stressed, and depressed and just needed someone to share it with.

“Sorry for laying my problems on you. Thanks for listening! Bye.” is all they say and quickly run off to their next task off the day.

We all have a life that we are living. Is it fair to expect others to “know” what’s going on in our lives? Then why do we treat them that way?

This can be applied to what’s going on in our hearts, perhaps with people that are family, friends, loved ones.
Is it fair to talk to them expecting them to know the condition of our hearts when they may be in the same place or even a different place in their hearts and we don’t even know it.

“Freely you have received; freely give.” Love that is. We all need it and all would have more of it if we all gave it, everywhere with everyone.

I’m learning that the ones who treat us with the most disrespect are often those who need it the most.
Shower them with Love anyways!

M.O.A.W.

Walking In His Shoes

The other day while on my knees in worship, a little girl comes up to me and starts dancing in front of me.

The father soon after came to retrieve his daughter. (I’m sure he just didn’t want her to disturb me and the others around. I probably would have done the same in frustration, as I value my worship time and when I constantly have to chase after my son it seems more like work than anything.)

Immediately I received a word for this man.
“Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'” So I told him it was okay and she could stay.

I was so humbled having her and a few other children dance around me; then the first little girl and I started to dance and everyone around was dancing in the presence of our Father. There was so much joy it was contagious! I was reminded of how often this happened with my son and I would have reacted differently. Perhaps upset that he was disturbing me when he too is no different than that little girl.

God changed my heart and breakthrough came! He reminded me, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

The revelation came that I must see things through the eyes of my son to understand him. My heart was impacted deeply by this impartation of revelation and the grace of God knowing that He isn’t mad at me for my wrong choices and actions in the past, but LOVES me enough to give me wisdom in many areas including how to parent my child.

This morning although my son was very needy and grumpy, I served him where he was at instead of expecting him to live up to the standards I would expect myself to be at. No fights, no arguments, yes a little extra effort, but in the long run, the extra patience and effort to help him in areas he felt he needed help (perhaps serving him is his acts of service love language) is far less effort than the battle we may have had if I had displayed a more “your-old-enough-do-it-yourself” attitude.

God is Good!

M.O.A.W.

“Sticks & Stones” the Truth About It.

Semi-wilted tulips.

(I received these as a gift from the company I work at.)

They were mostly wilted because the day they were bought, I was not at work, so they were sitting without water.

Yesterday I cut the stems and put them in fresh water. Oh how they wilted pathetically with their heads turned downwards bending halfway at the stems.

Today, to my surprise, when I came to work, the tulips were bright, upright, standing tall and lively!

Who would have known (unless you have a green thumb) that such flowers could be revived after being so sickly and downcast?

There was hardly any water left at the base of the vase this morning.

Oh how this reminded me of life and how precious and vital our words are.

Words can tear a person down or build them up
Words can speak life or speak death
Words cannot break bones but certainly can and do hurt people

(That rhyme is a lie by the way. Isn’t it interesting what we tell ourselves because we have heard other people say it! “The grass is greener… Sticks and stones… It won’t kill you… etc. You get my point.)

Proverbs 10:11 The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life
Proverbs 18:4 The words of a man’s mouth are as deep waters, and the wellspring of wisdom as a flowing brook
Proverbs 15:2,28 The tongue of the wise uses knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools pours out foolishness

Oh how there are so many verses on this!

It is also so important to guard our own hearts from the things people speak over us. We don’t have to accept and receive every word people say.

Proverbs 4:23 – Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life

Many have ‘suggested’ I get professional help for my son. Do they not know how the implication of this may suggest that I am less than fit enough as a parent or perhaps my son is not ‘up to par’ with their kids? I know their hearts are well meaning, however, words do hurt. I also see right through the enemy’s plan and Do NOT receive that.  I give praise and thanks that I have received and am continuing to receive the BEST Professional help ever which comes from my Father, after all he knew my son and I before he knitted us in the womb.

Many times I say things in my frustration to jab at my son. “Well you’re not going to your friend’s house then!” etc.  Seriously, this only makes my problems worse! Not only that, it tears him down in the process. It leaves a potential door for the enemy to tell him he isn’t good enough. (Which I DO NOT receives on his behalf and I declare and stand in Authority that the enemy has NO Hold over my son’s life because he is a child of the Most High King, Jesus Christ!)

How often do we stop to think about the effects of our words?

How often do we stop to give an encouragement, to uplift, to edify, to SPEAK LIFE to our children, spouses, family, friends, co-workers, and even strangers!

Don’t you know that the person who just flipped you off, cut in front of your car, slammed the door in your face, hung up the phone on you, gave you attitude etc. are probably hurting and if only given a little spring of life as the tulip needs, you could turn their downcast heart into a living well of life that hopefully would one day pour over into another heart that needed life.

Thank you Lord for teaching me through tulips.

M.O.A.W.

Can’t Control Yourself?

So many people want to be in control, yet don’t know how to control themselves trying to control others.

THIS is a problem.

Last night I learned:

Let HIM be him
++++++++++ = NO CONTROL
Let Me be me

The problem is, so many times we don’t want to let others be themselves (usually subconsciously.) We want to change little things about other people that would better suit our own wants, expected responses and likings, essentially trying to “change” them to be more like us. Often times, we do things for other people and “expect” a specific response from them, and if we don’t get the response we were looking for, we are upset/ hold a grudge/ irritated etc. that we didn’t get “our way.”

So many times this has been my unknowing attitude towards my son:

-I do something nice for him, he does not get something he wants, he hurts me (physically), I hold a resentment and am upset that my initial intention was good, to please him, however because of my own choices and wanting control over his reaction, I have a bad attitude because I was hurt and didn’t get the reaction I was looking for. (And our whole day is thrown off because we each didn’t get our own way.  Childish – right?  Except, he is a child, I am not.)

Many times this happens to our relationships with those in authority to us, those closest to us, and even those we love.

Do we really love people when we are subconsciously seeking our own outcome?
Are we really trying to do something nice for others when we are expecting a response to our own liking?
Are we really serving others when we are pleased only when we get what we want, but upset when we don’t?

What is the real attitude of our heart when doing something for someone?

So the next time my son gives me a response that was less than “what I am expecting,” I am going to choose to love him anyways.

Perfect Love casts out fear. Fear = Anxiety, anxiety of not having control over everything, over the outcome, over having our heart hurt one more time.

Choose to love anyways.

As I have learned, as we change, often times so do those around us.  After all, the only one we can really control is ourselves.

The Way It’s ‘Supposed’ To Be.

Last night was such a great night for my son and I.

After I picked him up from school I gave him the choice to watch a movie or go to the park. Initially he wanted to go to the park to fly his kite, but I really needed a little break and just a relaxing evening. So with a little persuasion and agreeing that he could fly his kite at his friend’s house Thursday evening, a movie night it was!

Dinner made Popcorn and a few sweets to top off a great movie. I gave my son the choice of the movie which usually we have to agree on, but I let go a little and only gave him the restriction of ‘it has to have real people in it.’ (Is that weird that I don’t like cartoons? A-half-cartoon-half-real-people movie is okay for me but I’m not super into a 7 year olds type of movie. A little give and a little take I guess. It ended up being a FULL ‘real people’ cartoon that he really wanted to see, AGAIN; I guess the ‘real people’ outweighed the ‘AGAIN’ I was not complaining.)

Basically what I’m trying to say is, we both compromised and it ended up being a great night with no struggles, unlike the other supposed-to-be movie night.

JUST what I was praying for!