Who Are You Praying For?

Lately I’ve become more and more aware of how to have an effective prayer life.

You see it’s often easy to pray for the wrong thing without even knowing it! Likewise, it’s also easy to often pray trying to manipulate a situation to our benefit, unintentionally of course. (Thank God HE knows what’s best for us!)

How many times after tireless, exhausting, tear-filled nights did I find myself praying, “Lord, I need your help! Change my son’s behavior; help him to be more obedient to me.” Or something of the sort anyway…

Last night as I was lying in my bed, it dawned on me that I was praying the wrong prayer the entire time! It should have reflected something to the effect of, “Lord, I need your help! Change ME!” Period. End of story!

How many times have we heard that cliché, ” You can’t change another person, all you can change is yourself.” Yes it is so true, and I knew it, but I guess the revelation didn’t hit my prayer life.

I still pray for my son, but when I pray regarding areas I want to see changed in his life, I pray my requests in thanksgiving, as if it will already be granted. I also pray that God would give me eyes to see the situation, and my son, the way He does. I pray that I would have wisdom to parent my son the way he needs to be parented specific to him, and love him the way he needs to be loved, not the way I would like to parent or the way I would need love.

As I have changed, naturally my son has changed too. I am in awe of the fact that he not only has changed for the positive, but there has been a supernatural radical growth in him over his life span, but more particularly these last 2 months. I’m so proud of him and so very, very thankful for God’s grace and unending love my son and I.

God is so Good!

M.O.A.W.

The Cries of a Heart

The other kids came rushing down the stairs, and by the look on their faces, I knew that it was time for me to get my son and head home.

I knew I should have left much earlier, I felt it in my heart, but failed to follow it.

My son for the better part of the evening was playing well with his friends.

At some point he decided to grab a pair of scissors and began to tell his friends that he was going to “cut them up into pieces” and shortly followed by threatening to hurt himself. Those other kids were trapped in the room as my son stood against the door not allowing them to leave. Meanwhile he began to open the scissors and make a cutting motion, blade to his skin. Just then one of the brave other kids, grabbed the scissors and quickly ran to escape. That is when I saw them coming down the stairs.

The trauma those little kids must have experienced being faced with such a spirit staring at them in the face. The bravery of snatching the scissors, even in the midst of potentially getting hurt. The pain of realizing what just happened.

Although I cannot defend these actions because I know this spirit is not my son, I must deal with them the best I know how. My heart shattered as I heard those words come out of my son’s mouth, “I want to kill myself. I hate myself. I am such a bad boy.”

Immediately my heart went to wanting to feel guilt and take responsibility for him feeling this way, however this would be a lie of the enemy. It did however bring a reality to the words that we speak over people.

My son, although he often makes poor choices such as these, he is a GOOD BOY. His actions are not always smart choices, perhaps even a display of ‘bad’ behavior; however he is a good kid with a big, gentle heart.

It grieves me to know that at only seven my son has gone through so much that he dislikes himself so. Words cannot express the anguish in my heart regarding this, as I too as a very young child found myself wanting to ‘kill myself’ and hated myself.

I did not discipline my son that night, I cried all the way home, and prayed in the spirit. He fell asleep on the car ride home and I prayed over him, I interceded for him, and I blew my shofar in his room. I declare that the enemy has no place in my home, or my son and that the ONLY spirit aloud in his heart, mind, sight, ears, body, and influence over him is the Holy Spirit; every other knee must bow at the name of Jesus Christ. “This kind (of spirit) can only come out by prayer.”

My son will have to make cards for his friends and apologize to them for his actions; as well the next time this event happens, he will not be able to attend.

This surely has opened my eyes to being more diligent about giving my son praise and lifting him up, speaking life in him and over him. For the world is already full of people who will freely dish out words that they have no comprehension of the damage they can do to a heart, the last thing he needs is more from me. I am his advocate, his greatest fan, his proud mom and I will remind him daily of what a Good Boy he really is.

M.O.A.W.

A Battle Worth Fighting

Laundry was folded and ready to be put away, and guess whose chore that was, my little warriors of course.

He decided he didn’t want to do his chore last night so he asked for a different one. (Usually in the past when he wouldn’t do his chore I would do his and he would get mine, which was usually a chore far worse/harder than his and he would regret not doing his own.) This was a little different because there really was nothing else to be done, so I simply replied, “Sorry, but that’s the last chore left so you can’t switch with mine because there are no other chores to do.

Well he didn’t want to do the laundry so he decided to dump the entire bin of folded clothes on the floor, and he made sure nothing was left folded.

“And I’m NOT Cleaning that up!” he stated as he continued to throw random objects at the pile of clothes scattered about. The throwing stopped when he grabbed a candle in a glass jar and shattered that to pieces.

I surprisingly kept cool even at that outburst however inside I was really upset. I shook the glass off all the clothes and put them in a pile on the side along with the other things he threw, and I removed all the glass from the carpet and took it out side to shake off. I came back in and began to eat the muffin that we were going to share. (The deal was he would get some if he displayed good behavior that evening, which he did until this stunt.)

“I want some!” were the next words out of his mouth.

“Sure, no problem, you can have some as soon as that carpet gets vacuumed and the clothes are folded. Here I’ll save you some.”

“I WANT THE MUFFIN!” he commanded.

“Okay, I’ll be happy to give you some as soon as that floor gets cleaned up.”

He clearly was not going to start cleaning so I began to read my bible on the couch and he was irritated. He began kicking me and hitting me, which initially I tried to ignore but, he needed to know this was not acceptable. I grabbed his hands and crossed them like he would be hugging himself, so he could not hit me. I also had to sit behind him on the floor with my legs crossed over his so he could not kick me. The squirming and wiggling and body thrusting was taking place meanwhile the dramatic cries of how he couldn’t breath, and I was ‘hurting’ him were happening. After a while of crying and exerting some energy, he promised to stop hurting me so I let him go. To my surprise he actually did stop.

I went to my room and began to cry and pray for my son, and this situation. I opened my bible and flipped through trying to take my eyes off this situation and seek wisdom in focusing on Jesus.

He led me almost immediately to the parable in Mark 9 ‘Jesus Heals a Boy Possessed by an Impure Spirit.’ Although the parable is titled this, it is an analogy for a generation with a lack of faith, because the people do not believe that they could drive the impure spirit out and even ask Jesus IF He could do anything. Jesus replies to them “Everything is possible for one who believes.” (I did and do believe Jesus could help me then just as He has many times.) In the story, He rebukes the impure spirit and commanded it to never enter the boy again. Later the disciples ask why they couldn’t drive it out and Jesus replies with, “This kind can come out only by prayer.”

That was the answer I needed! Prayer!

I fell asleep shortly after and I guess my son came to bed at some point in the night. Yes he was tired the next morning however through a little humor we kept things positive.  Prayer really works and what a difference it made! My son was told that he would not be able to go to his dad’s tonight until all the clothes were picked up and the other items that he threw. To my surprise, most of it got cleaned up, until we ran out of time, and had to go to work/school. For his compliance, I told him he would be able to go but as soon as he got back, the little bit he had left would have to be put away. (Once upon a time, I would not have stuck to my guns and ended up cleaning for him, but I’ve learned that this does not teach him anything, only that my word means nothing. Even though he struggled to put the clothes away, I know he will reconsider the next time he gets angry and wants to dump the clothes; even better is that he will have learned that he is responsible for his own actions and there are consequences for them. This made the struggle worthwhile and I feel good on my journey to becoming a powerful parent!)

(One year ago when I saw this similar behavior in my son, I felt God telling me through other people that I really needed to start praying over my son at night and any chance I could. I started this journey and soon saw changes in my son. I guess I got lazy or thought that because the changes happened I no longer needed to pray. Well three weeks or so ago, this behavior has resurfaced and has been quite a battle.

I have started and intend to maintain a strong prayer life through interceding for my son, and declaring who he is in Christ, calling forth his destiny. I will not cease just because I see results this time.

“Father, I thank you for my mighty warrior son who is so smart, brave, courageous, gentle and kind. I thank You that he is a mighty worshiper who will follow You all the days of his life. Thank You for the great calling on his life to lead his generation, hearts and souls to the kingdom and glory of God. Lord I thank You that You protect him everywhere he goes and for the angels that never leave his side as a hedge of protection around him. Thank You that he will choose to serve You all the days of his life and that You give him the wisdom and discernment to make wise choices, and see life as if looking through Your eyes. I entrust his life to You and choose to let go of control and die to my own plans daily so that he and I may lead a life that emulates You daily. Thank You that favor and blessings surrounds my son and will pour out into future relationships. Lord help me to find new and creative ways to teach my son to hone his energy and will into leadership qualities that will be used for serving You. Please help me to never grow weary in praying for my son and in parenting him. I thank you that you entrusted his life to me, I love him and I bless him, in Jesus Name, Amen.”

M.O.A.W.