Who Are You Praying For?

Lately I’ve become more and more aware of how to have an effective prayer life.

You see it’s often easy to pray for the wrong thing without even knowing it! Likewise, it’s also easy to often pray trying to manipulate a situation to our benefit, unintentionally of course. (Thank God HE knows what’s best for us!)

How many times after tireless, exhausting, tear-filled nights did I find myself praying, “Lord, I need your help! Change my son’s behavior; help him to be more obedient to me.” Or something of the sort anyway…

Last night as I was lying in my bed, it dawned on me that I was praying the wrong prayer the entire time! It should have reflected something to the effect of, “Lord, I need your help! Change ME!” Period. End of story!

How many times have we heard that cliché, ” You can’t change another person, all you can change is yourself.” Yes it is so true, and I knew it, but I guess the revelation didn’t hit my prayer life.

I still pray for my son, but when I pray regarding areas I want to see changed in his life, I pray my requests in thanksgiving, as if it will already be granted. I also pray that God would give me eyes to see the situation, and my son, the way He does. I pray that I would have wisdom to parent my son the way he needs to be parented specific to him, and love him the way he needs to be loved, not the way I would like to parent or the way I would need love.

As I have changed, naturally my son has changed too. I am in awe of the fact that he not only has changed for the positive, but there has been a supernatural radical growth in him over his life span, but more particularly these last 2 months. I’m so proud of him and so very, very thankful for God’s grace and unending love my son and I.

God is so Good!

M.O.A.W.

Changing Your World: Rewards vs. Bribes vs. Spoiling

While many parents want their children to have a “better” lifestyle than they (parents) had growing up, there is a fine line between rewarding and spoiling; the same is to be said for rewarding vs. bribing.

I believe the difference comes with the heart behind the matter.

Many times when parents don’t feel present enough, loved enough, liked enough, or even grew up without, they feel the need to give material possessions to make up for the insecurities they have, which they assume their children will too have if they “go without.” When a parent works at healing their own heart, they can see the situation in a clearer, more accurate light.

(There are many reasons why, these are just a few from my generalizing perspective.)

Many times when parents feel they need to have control or they feel out of control of their kids, they feel that bribing their children will give them (parents) the results they are looking for. This comes from a heart of manipulation, often unintentional, however still manipulation. Perhaps these parents don’t feel in control of themselves, their lives, and their heart that they feel the need to control what they can, often, their children.

I believe in rewarding my son for good behavior, but I also believe in teaching him the value of money and his good choices.

If we always do everything for our children, they do not learn valuable life skills that they will need throughout their entire lives. If we always rescue them when they get in trouble and make poor choices, they will not learn how to solve their own problems. If we always give them what they want, when they want it, we prevent them from learning the value of earning, and taking pride in what they have earned, accomplished and become. This is where natural responses and consequences come in; we need to allow children to experience the consequences of their actions, to learn life lessons now, so when they are older, they will be equipped for when the world throws dirt and life is all of a sudden not so “easy.”

Parenting is probably the hardest job to have. When we take ownership of our responsibility as parents, we will begin to see the changes that we long for. If we take the time to do it now, we will see the fruit of our efforts later in life.

It’s never too late to change, yourself, in turn the world around you may change too. Do nothing, and the world around you will change too. Which way it changes is completely up to you!

Love Changes Everything

After opening my mother’s day card from my son, I was impacted by the things that impacted him.

Little reminders of how much he loves me and why he loves me. Reminders of places we’ve been and times we have shared.

Not to be proud, but it was a great reminder that I am a good mom! Often I am so hard on myself for I make many mistakes, however this card was a little reminder as if my son said, “Mom, don’t worry, you’re a great mom and here’s why.”

Just as I shouldn’t be so hard on me, I shouldn’t be so hard on him. Through it all, I know he really is a great kid with a good heart.
People may not always see it, even I often don’t, but he is loving, kind, gentle, thoughtful, courageous, bold, very smart, observant and loves Jesus amongst a few of his great qualities.

By far, one of the best qualities I love about him is his relationship with the Holy Spirit. When someone wrongs me my son always says, “Mom, now don’t get mad at them when you see them” or “Mom make sure your nice to them.” He always reminds me that ‘Love Changes Everything.’

I love his heart and know God will use him in great and mighty ways to impact the world by loving people.

M.O.A.W.

Heart to Heart Time

As I was contemplating what to write about today, I decided to open one of my devotional pages and there was the following scripture:

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16 (NIV)”

I was immediately reminded of a time around a year ago when I was having many struggles with my son and I sought out advice from my pastor’s wife. She shared with me a fun idea to connect with my son. We decided to call it “Heart to Heart Time.”

My son and I would make a treat before bed time and he and I would snuggle up in bed and say “Heart to Heart Time,” while I put my hand in the shape of a half heart and he put his opposite hand in the shape of another half heart, and we joined them together. We would share about the things in our heart. I would start by answering “what was the best part of my day,” and then he would answer the question. We had several questions that would help us deal with heart matters such as:

-What was the best part of my day?
-What was the worst part of my day?

Usually with in those two questions we would share about how we may have hurt one another or how something we did made the other person happy. At the end of it all, we would each apologize and ask forgiveness of the other person.

This process really seemed to be an avenue to release pain and move on so as to not let heart issues build up. After it would be bed time and usually I would stay up and pray over my son.

When things started getting good and I noticed behavior changes, we slacked off in this area, till it was no longer happening. God really has impressed upon my heart that, we need to get back into this routine and maintain it, especially when things start getting better.

I believe this heart connection will be a key that will allow my son to feel comfortable enough to share with me about the tough stuff when he is older. Many kids don’t feel comfortable in sharing things with their parents because of bad heart connections.

I am grateful for the people in my life who are bold enough to tell me the truth in love when they see areas that could hinder my life or relationships. Lord I thank you for giving them all a double portion of blessing for serving in my life.

M.O.A.W.

A Battle Worth Fighting

Laundry was folded and ready to be put away, and guess whose chore that was, my little warriors of course.

He decided he didn’t want to do his chore last night so he asked for a different one. (Usually in the past when he wouldn’t do his chore I would do his and he would get mine, which was usually a chore far worse/harder than his and he would regret not doing his own.) This was a little different because there really was nothing else to be done, so I simply replied, “Sorry, but that’s the last chore left so you can’t switch with mine because there are no other chores to do.

Well he didn’t want to do the laundry so he decided to dump the entire bin of folded clothes on the floor, and he made sure nothing was left folded.

“And I’m NOT Cleaning that up!” he stated as he continued to throw random objects at the pile of clothes scattered about. The throwing stopped when he grabbed a candle in a glass jar and shattered that to pieces.

I surprisingly kept cool even at that outburst however inside I was really upset. I shook the glass off all the clothes and put them in a pile on the side along with the other things he threw, and I removed all the glass from the carpet and took it out side to shake off. I came back in and began to eat the muffin that we were going to share. (The deal was he would get some if he displayed good behavior that evening, which he did until this stunt.)

“I want some!” were the next words out of his mouth.

“Sure, no problem, you can have some as soon as that carpet gets vacuumed and the clothes are folded. Here I’ll save you some.”

“I WANT THE MUFFIN!” he commanded.

“Okay, I’ll be happy to give you some as soon as that floor gets cleaned up.”

He clearly was not going to start cleaning so I began to read my bible on the couch and he was irritated. He began kicking me and hitting me, which initially I tried to ignore but, he needed to know this was not acceptable. I grabbed his hands and crossed them like he would be hugging himself, so he could not hit me. I also had to sit behind him on the floor with my legs crossed over his so he could not kick me. The squirming and wiggling and body thrusting was taking place meanwhile the dramatic cries of how he couldn’t breath, and I was ‘hurting’ him were happening. After a while of crying and exerting some energy, he promised to stop hurting me so I let him go. To my surprise he actually did stop.

I went to my room and began to cry and pray for my son, and this situation. I opened my bible and flipped through trying to take my eyes off this situation and seek wisdom in focusing on Jesus.

He led me almost immediately to the parable in Mark 9 ‘Jesus Heals a Boy Possessed by an Impure Spirit.’ Although the parable is titled this, it is an analogy for a generation with a lack of faith, because the people do not believe that they could drive the impure spirit out and even ask Jesus IF He could do anything. Jesus replies to them “Everything is possible for one who believes.” (I did and do believe Jesus could help me then just as He has many times.) In the story, He rebukes the impure spirit and commanded it to never enter the boy again. Later the disciples ask why they couldn’t drive it out and Jesus replies with, “This kind can come out only by prayer.”

That was the answer I needed! Prayer!

I fell asleep shortly after and I guess my son came to bed at some point in the night. Yes he was tired the next morning however through a little humor we kept things positive.  Prayer really works and what a difference it made! My son was told that he would not be able to go to his dad’s tonight until all the clothes were picked up and the other items that he threw. To my surprise, most of it got cleaned up, until we ran out of time, and had to go to work/school. For his compliance, I told him he would be able to go but as soon as he got back, the little bit he had left would have to be put away. (Once upon a time, I would not have stuck to my guns and ended up cleaning for him, but I’ve learned that this does not teach him anything, only that my word means nothing. Even though he struggled to put the clothes away, I know he will reconsider the next time he gets angry and wants to dump the clothes; even better is that he will have learned that he is responsible for his own actions and there are consequences for them. This made the struggle worthwhile and I feel good on my journey to becoming a powerful parent!)

(One year ago when I saw this similar behavior in my son, I felt God telling me through other people that I really needed to start praying over my son at night and any chance I could. I started this journey and soon saw changes in my son. I guess I got lazy or thought that because the changes happened I no longer needed to pray. Well three weeks or so ago, this behavior has resurfaced and has been quite a battle.

I have started and intend to maintain a strong prayer life through interceding for my son, and declaring who he is in Christ, calling forth his destiny. I will not cease just because I see results this time.

“Father, I thank you for my mighty warrior son who is so smart, brave, courageous, gentle and kind. I thank You that he is a mighty worshiper who will follow You all the days of his life. Thank You for the great calling on his life to lead his generation, hearts and souls to the kingdom and glory of God. Lord I thank You that You protect him everywhere he goes and for the angels that never leave his side as a hedge of protection around him. Thank You that he will choose to serve You all the days of his life and that You give him the wisdom and discernment to make wise choices, and see life as if looking through Your eyes. I entrust his life to You and choose to let go of control and die to my own plans daily so that he and I may lead a life that emulates You daily. Thank You that favor and blessings surrounds my son and will pour out into future relationships. Lord help me to find new and creative ways to teach my son to hone his energy and will into leadership qualities that will be used for serving You. Please help me to never grow weary in praying for my son and in parenting him. I thank you that you entrusted his life to me, I love him and I bless him, in Jesus Name, Amen.”

M.O.A.W.

Called To Love

How often I have been disappointed by my own expectations.

Is it really fair to expect others to treat us the way we want to be treated?
Very debatable I would say.

You see, just because you have learned a truth, a lesson, a way of life, does that mean everyone has learned those same things?
Why then do we take a situation and apply our state of being to someone else, expecting them to “know” what’s going on in our lives?

Let me give you an example to better explain myself.

Have you ever been in a rush to go somewhere? Job interview? Pick up kids? Hospital? And all of a sudden a car cuts you off! “Get out of my way!” you may shout or whisper under your breath.

Your state is you’re “In a rush, got to hurry, can’t be late.”

So you drive by to pass them or even move in front of them, (maybe give them a look) and speed off.

We assume because we are in our situation that they should “know.” Well maybe we don’t assume that but our attitude towards them may sure show it.

Now, imagine after your “big emergency” you run into that person at a coffee shop and they are in line in front of you. You hope they don’t turn around and see you because really, your embarrassed the way you behaved earlier because your “big emergency” wasn’t so big after all. They do turn around, and say hi, not really noticing that you were that “inconsiderate-jerk-that-was-in-such-a-rush” and they strike up a conversation with you. They pour out their heart and start telling you, (because they just need someone to talk to) about how their loved one just passed away or how they lost their job yesterday and how they are feeling stressed, and depressed and just needed someone to share it with.

“Sorry for laying my problems on you. Thanks for listening! Bye.” is all they say and quickly run off to their next task off the day.

We all have a life that we are living. Is it fair to expect others to “know” what’s going on in our lives? Then why do we treat them that way?

This can be applied to what’s going on in our hearts, perhaps with people that are family, friends, loved ones.
Is it fair to talk to them expecting them to know the condition of our hearts when they may be in the same place or even a different place in their hearts and we don’t even know it.

“Freely you have received; freely give.” Love that is. We all need it and all would have more of it if we all gave it, everywhere with everyone.

I’m learning that the ones who treat us with the most disrespect are often those who need it the most.
Shower them with Love anyways!

M.O.A.W.

Walking In His Shoes

The other day while on my knees in worship, a little girl comes up to me and starts dancing in front of me.

The father soon after came to retrieve his daughter. (I’m sure he just didn’t want her to disturb me and the others around. I probably would have done the same in frustration, as I value my worship time and when I constantly have to chase after my son it seems more like work than anything.)

Immediately I received a word for this man.
“Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'” So I told him it was okay and she could stay.

I was so humbled having her and a few other children dance around me; then the first little girl and I started to dance and everyone around was dancing in the presence of our Father. There was so much joy it was contagious! I was reminded of how often this happened with my son and I would have reacted differently. Perhaps upset that he was disturbing me when he too is no different than that little girl.

God changed my heart and breakthrough came! He reminded me, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

The revelation came that I must see things through the eyes of my son to understand him. My heart was impacted deeply by this impartation of revelation and the grace of God knowing that He isn’t mad at me for my wrong choices and actions in the past, but LOVES me enough to give me wisdom in many areas including how to parent my child.

This morning although my son was very needy and grumpy, I served him where he was at instead of expecting him to live up to the standards I would expect myself to be at. No fights, no arguments, yes a little extra effort, but in the long run, the extra patience and effort to help him in areas he felt he needed help (perhaps serving him is his acts of service love language) is far less effort than the battle we may have had if I had displayed a more “your-old-enough-do-it-yourself” attitude.

God is Good!

M.O.A.W.

“Sticks & Stones” the Truth About It.

Semi-wilted tulips.

(I received these as a gift from the company I work at.)

They were mostly wilted because the day they were bought, I was not at work, so they were sitting without water.

Yesterday I cut the stems and put them in fresh water. Oh how they wilted pathetically with their heads turned downwards bending halfway at the stems.

Today, to my surprise, when I came to work, the tulips were bright, upright, standing tall and lively!

Who would have known (unless you have a green thumb) that such flowers could be revived after being so sickly and downcast?

There was hardly any water left at the base of the vase this morning.

Oh how this reminded me of life and how precious and vital our words are.

Words can tear a person down or build them up
Words can speak life or speak death
Words cannot break bones but certainly can and do hurt people

(That rhyme is a lie by the way. Isn’t it interesting what we tell ourselves because we have heard other people say it! “The grass is greener… Sticks and stones… It won’t kill you… etc. You get my point.)

Proverbs 10:11 The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life
Proverbs 18:4 The words of a man’s mouth are as deep waters, and the wellspring of wisdom as a flowing brook
Proverbs 15:2,28 The tongue of the wise uses knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools pours out foolishness

Oh how there are so many verses on this!

It is also so important to guard our own hearts from the things people speak over us. We don’t have to accept and receive every word people say.

Proverbs 4:23 – Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life

Many have ‘suggested’ I get professional help for my son. Do they not know how the implication of this may suggest that I am less than fit enough as a parent or perhaps my son is not ‘up to par’ with their kids? I know their hearts are well meaning, however, words do hurt. I also see right through the enemy’s plan and Do NOT receive that.  I give praise and thanks that I have received and am continuing to receive the BEST Professional help ever which comes from my Father, after all he knew my son and I before he knitted us in the womb.

Many times I say things in my frustration to jab at my son. “Well you’re not going to your friend’s house then!” etc.  Seriously, this only makes my problems worse! Not only that, it tears him down in the process. It leaves a potential door for the enemy to tell him he isn’t good enough. (Which I DO NOT receives on his behalf and I declare and stand in Authority that the enemy has NO Hold over my son’s life because he is a child of the Most High King, Jesus Christ!)

How often do we stop to think about the effects of our words?

How often do we stop to give an encouragement, to uplift, to edify, to SPEAK LIFE to our children, spouses, family, friends, co-workers, and even strangers!

Don’t you know that the person who just flipped you off, cut in front of your car, slammed the door in your face, hung up the phone on you, gave you attitude etc. are probably hurting and if only given a little spring of life as the tulip needs, you could turn their downcast heart into a living well of life that hopefully would one day pour over into another heart that needed life.

Thank you Lord for teaching me through tulips.

M.O.A.W.

Can’t Control Yourself?

So many people want to be in control, yet don’t know how to control themselves trying to control others.

THIS is a problem.

Last night I learned:

Let HIM be him
++++++++++ = NO CONTROL
Let Me be me

The problem is, so many times we don’t want to let others be themselves (usually subconsciously.) We want to change little things about other people that would better suit our own wants, expected responses and likings, essentially trying to “change” them to be more like us. Often times, we do things for other people and “expect” a specific response from them, and if we don’t get the response we were looking for, we are upset/ hold a grudge/ irritated etc. that we didn’t get “our way.”

So many times this has been my unknowing attitude towards my son:

-I do something nice for him, he does not get something he wants, he hurts me (physically), I hold a resentment and am upset that my initial intention was good, to please him, however because of my own choices and wanting control over his reaction, I have a bad attitude because I was hurt and didn’t get the reaction I was looking for. (And our whole day is thrown off because we each didn’t get our own way.  Childish – right?  Except, he is a child, I am not.)

Many times this happens to our relationships with those in authority to us, those closest to us, and even those we love.

Do we really love people when we are subconsciously seeking our own outcome?
Are we really trying to do something nice for others when we are expecting a response to our own liking?
Are we really serving others when we are pleased only when we get what we want, but upset when we don’t?

What is the real attitude of our heart when doing something for someone?

So the next time my son gives me a response that was less than “what I am expecting,” I am going to choose to love him anyways.

Perfect Love casts out fear. Fear = Anxiety, anxiety of not having control over everything, over the outcome, over having our heart hurt one more time.

Choose to love anyways.

As I have learned, as we change, often times so do those around us.  After all, the only one we can really control is ourselves.

The Power of Prayer & The Spoken Word

I found that my son hurting (biting, kicking, hitting, pulling hair, jumping on my car, breaking things, throwing things at me etc.) really built resentments towards him and I would then in turn hurt them with my words, frustrations. (Empty threats, instilling fear, saying hurtful things, spanking etc.) (While getting physical may work with some kids I quickly found out it doesn’t work with my son) He took it more as a deep hurt and I could see the resentment in his eyes. Some kids, it breaks their will, but not mine, was what I found out (NOW I KNOW, of a thing called Grace, and I’m learning that God gave it to me so I too can extend it to those that hurt me)

I also had to learn to trust God with my sons life. That helped me not worry so much about him when he did things that were scary for me. (Such as when he ran across two streets- a very busy intersection at that.) I also learned to trust God that my sons future, will be great! (Although our actions have consequences, I trust God’s grace and favor in our lives is greater and that He can swing things around because this battle was already paid for at the cross.)
I learned that God is not angry or mad at me for this stuff. HIS GRACE is big enough for my son and I.

My little warrior’s behavior got much much better. I knew what I was fighting was a spiritual battle because the look in his eyes and the voice he had switched on and off when these ‘events’ would happen. (It was EXTREEMLY hard for me to communicate this with others as they offered advice such as counseling, or prayer etc.) I knew it was a demon or something… so I decided to fight the demon through intercessory prayer at night. I prayed every time I picked him up(cleansing) and dropped him off (protection) and things got better.

Then (1 year later) 2 weeks ago.. Things started to get bad again. I don’t know what happened.. but i do know our H2H time slowed down, and I have not been praying as much at night. Just because things get good does not mean we should stop. (Kind of like weightless. (Healthy reasons) if we reach our target weight then start eating junk again we will go backwards. We have to maintain to stay healthy)

So Im back to maintaining and fighting for my son, knowing God won this battle at the cross already

I’ve been finding blogging is really helping me get my feelings out here and not out on my son as much. So THANK YOU for all who are reading and supporting me.

I’ve also been hearing lots of “You’re not the only one…” stories so to you: The enemy wants you to think God isn’t there for you… Just stay focused on Him and pray pray pray!

M.O.A.W.